Vampire cat

When the morning is dark, the city still asleep, the monster is awake. He quietly sits at the end of the bed, silently staring at the two unaware humans. “Sleep for now…” he thinks out loud “..soon everything will be mine.”

An alarm goes off, I desperately try to reach for my phone. Hoping to turn off the sound in time before he awakes. As soon as my hand touches the bleeping device I realize I’m too late. I can feel four tiny paws making their way towards my face. The chainsaw loud purr moves closer to my face. I withdraw my arm quickly silencing my phone under the sheets and close my eyes. I lay as still as I can, but I have failed. A screech is followed by the deafening purr into my ear. He knows that I know what time it is.

The hunt for flesh begins. His nose digs under the sheets, he find my arm and screeches again with joy. He pushes his nose against the bare skin sniffing in the scent and places his paws to hold it in place. From each paw four razorsharp nails emerge digging deeper into the skin, kneeding one by one into my arm..forcing me to get up.

I get up, immediatly hundreds and hundreds of litter particles touch the soles of my feet. He has done it again. When we sleep he marks his territory. The tiny particles are infused with his smell and spread as far as he can. During the day they are kept in one place. A big box, especially for him, but it’s not enough anymore. Most evenings he walks in and out over and over, spreading the particles like wildfire around the house. One day,..the whole house will be taken over and will will stand no chance.

To keep him happy we feed him. Oh do we feed him. But every now and then his mood changes and food is no more than a measly peace offering. He retaliates and in a bloodrage he leaves decapitated frogs all over the house. It’s a significant warning…The worst thing is, we haven’t found out yet what for. all we can do is wait…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Life purposes

I keep waking up, wanting to write something meaningful. I end up picking on my boyfriend and moaning about it to my cats. Cat’s, I might add, who see me as a walking vending machine. Push enough buttons and food  will come out. We play this game all day.

Staring at the blank page continues. First I wanted to write about all the funny (in hindsight) arguments my boyfriend Daan and I had whilst we were travelling. We get so childish, we make other couples feel good about themselves. I thought this was hysterical. ..he did not.

He’s been thrown in like 10.000 projects at once when we got home and he’s working around the clock. I feel bad complaining about hardly seeing each other. However,  it turns out he takes me for lunch during the night.

The other night around 3 a.m.:

D: Ains! (Nudging me with his elbow) You need to pick a sandwich!                                   Me:(Sleepy but entertained immediately) Eh..ok. .which one are you having?               D: Hmmmmmm….that one!                             Me: OK, I’ll take the other one. So where are we now?                                                       D: (Matter of factly ) In town of course!       Me: Oh yes I see.

I like to keep the impression that I’m a busy, responsible adult. For example. .my mum left me the watch her house and cats while she was away on holiday. She managed to use all forms of communication to tell me to not let one of the cats upstairs.  Obviously I did ( not on purpose) let him upstairs for 3 whole seconds. And in this time he managed to pee on my bed and clothes. I must say, I’m impressed by his accuracy and speed. However I did not find the time to write about anything meaningful or life changing.

The only thing I’ll be changing today are my sheets.

Puss everywhere and screaming doctors

I’m almost teaching full yoga classes. David, my trainer, keeps complimenting me on how happy he is that I am not grossed out by sweaty people and that I dare to touch everyone without hesitation. I wish he could see me the rest of the week…Sweaty people are the least of my concern.

Monday evening at 10 pm one of the doctors on call rang me up. We had an emergency, a dog had a badly infected uterus (Piometra) and we needed to remove it asap. Did I want to come in for the anaesthesiology? Oh my fucking yes I do!! It’s hard to imagine for anyone who’s not in this field…but for some reason..the uglier and dirtier the case, the more excited we get. Also this was my first time solo, my nerves were flying through the roof!

I was out at dinner with my sister at this point. She’s a people nurse and she said she’d drive me if she could come and watch. Yeah..great plan. The doctor was just happy that we came in, and my sister ended up to be of great help. Sisters in surgery

It was a long night,..the infected uterus was harder to remove than we had thought at first. The dog lost a lot of blood and we were standing in a pool of it, together with well used gauzes and the smell off meat past the date. The stress got too much and there was a point where everyone was just screaming at each other to get things done. I remember trying to calm the doctor down by telling her how well the dog was doing. She was, her breathing remained incredibly stable during the whole operation.”Would you just shut the fuck up!!” I got as a reply. It took a few deep breaths and another doctor who came in at 1 am and before we knew it the dog was up and awake, minus one big fat gross uterus.

There we were, 2.15 am, smelling of blood and dog pee we drove home. In 4 hours my alarm was set to go again. Luckily no surgeries planned,…or so we thought.

Knocking back a cup of iced cappuccino a distressed lady came in with her cat. The cat had given birth to 3 kittens on Sunday and she was still bleeding. This was a lovely white cat but now covered in red gore, it looked like the cat version of Carrie. For all you ladies who have once woken up to the worst period of their life..That smell..multiplied by 100 mixed with cat an kitten poo. Yes, my thoughts exactly.

Another uterus removal in 24 hrs. Yay..this stench was overwhelming, there was pus and blood coming out of her all the time and within no time half the practice had bits everywhere. During the surgery we had to keep a close eye on her temperature. I got out the thermometer and carefully made my way under the operation cloth to find, oh yes, her anus. Now this cat had just given birth, her hoo-ha still swollen to 60 times the size, her butt hole teeny compared to this. Also, as there was cloth over my hands I couldn’t see a thing. Here I am, using my bare hands to find a way through the puss, blood and stench to find a cats butt hole, and it took me minutes too. Why not an office job Ainslie, why did you want to do this soo badly?

At the end of the day, life isn’t pretty, we all pretend to be pretty and clean. But face it, we are all big bad bags of blood and guts.

There is a point where the care of an animal is bigger than anything and you just don’t think about what you are actually doing. Things that gross you out normally, vanish. Because if it was you in that position, you’d be so happy somebody was fumbling around in your blood to find your anus……….

No need for a good deed.

We all have those moments when we feel we are a genuinely good person. Whether it’s because we gave the homeless person on the corner our money for  their bus fare or helped the neighbor unload the shopping, it makes you feel good about yourself. Even though this random act of kindness is directed at someone else, it proves we are not as self-involved as we thought, but maybe even a little heroic in some cases. But who are we really helping out?

One night after I finished work I found the neighborhood cat stuck in the tree. Usually he’s a very cool and frequent visitor at the restaurant where I work. Patiently waiting for scraps of Confit de canard from sympathetic diners. But now he was meowing like mad, clinging on to the branch. As I am studying to be a veterinary nurse I felt this was my calling. Humming the Spiderman tune I began my heroic mission.

I forgot to mention I am little on the short side. The cat seemed relieved with my presence but soon broke into a hysterical meow when he noticed I was not even getting close. No matter how much I reached and stretched out to the cat, me and my 5’ 3” were just not going to happen.

I abandoned my rescue attempt after 10 minutes, frustrated and slightly concerned about my own safety and contemplating to maybe…just…leave it. When suddenly a couple walked around the corner. Excitedly I ran over, rambling about the cat stuck in the tree. Glaring at me, like I was the real life crazy cat lady they went along with my, what I felt was a genius plan.

Unfortunately great plans can also go greatly wrong. The moment we walked over to the tree the cat stopped meowing , calmly jumped down and walked off. That bastard! Feeling like a prize idiot I realized maybe not everyone wants to be saved. Maybe just me,…from that moment.