Nothing embarrassing for today. No gynecologist appointments recently, no farting in public. Though I am so glad some other guy farted during yoga last night and not me. I ate beans on toast for dinner and a fart would have been disastrous so to speak.
The yoga school I go to is training me from scratch to be an amazing yoga teacher. I am still extremely excited about this and at the same time terrified. While in one way I am completely devoted to learn anything there is about yoga, and in theory, I understand it all. In real life I find zen a highly foreign word in every sense.
“Buddha face! Do a Buddha face!” A lady explained after class this is how your face should be during poses, no matter how hard they are. Maybe even take this thought with you in daily life. But when I cycle home through the busy city centre, crashing into almost 32 tourist a minute all I am screaming in my head is: “F***ing Idiots! Have you never heard of a pavement?!” “Look first, mate LOOK”! Moments filled with heavy sighs, grunting and ringing my bell like lunatic. There is no Buddha face, nor will there ever be one.
I imagine the perfect yoga teachers almost pirouetting their way through the busy streets with a calm smile on their faces…and then there is me; a stressed out catastrophe. My other job is being a waitress. Another challenge now the days grow sunnier and busier and the people become more demanding. I find myself having a hard time keeping my patience sometimes. Empathy is lacking from both angles and again I feel like losing my calm and swearing under my breath a lot.
So how do people do it? How not to want to punch people in traffic? And my biggest question; How am I going to teach calm without being calm myself first? But doesn’t the most advanced yoga teacher get annoyed about something sometimes? I mean, when you bump your little toe on a leg of a table,..it hurts and even the most together people do a little swear word while jumping around on one leg right? I would…..I do.